Rant #1: Keep Yo Hands Outta My BBQ Chips

I don't want my readers to think this will only be a blog about Sarah Palin or politics or heavy stuff.  So I came up with the idea of one rant per week. If you have met me, you should already know that I already rant a lot, but hopefully these blogs will make you laugh and/or shake your head at the world around us.

So I present...

Rant #1: Keep Yo Hands Outta My BBQ Chips

Dear little middle schooler,

I'm very impressed with the fact that you are in seventh grade and you are taking the SAT at the big high school.  Honestly, you probably did better on it than I did.  And I'm impressed that you had the nerve to come up to a girl wearing a senior ID and attempted (rather poorly) to flirt.

But just because we're in the same testing center does not mean that you can help yourself to my snacks!

The whole point of breaks during the SAT is to give your brain a five minute break, to reorient yourself, to seek encouragement from your friends, and to stock up on snacks.  Your OWN snacks.

So no, you may not walk up to me and try to stick your hand into my fun-size bag of Lay's BBQ Chips.

It's nothing against you--except that...

1.) I don't know you.
2.) I don't know where your hands have been.
3.) I don't know if you are a hand sanitizer enthusiast like I am.
4.) My hands automatically form the "awkward turtle" whenever you're around.


I just don't share my chips with people unless they ask first.  It's a pretty common rule among most humans. We're not a Communist country (yet) so if I pay for my chips, then they MUST be my chips!  Call me an evil capitalist, but that's not going to get you far. They're still my chips.


And if I react badly to your hands touching my chips, then I probably won't accept a handful of your Goldfish crackers.


Once again, it's nothing against you.  It's basic human sanitation.


Thank God for tiny bottles of hand sanitizer to keep clean with.


Sincerely,
Disgusted